Going into my 25th birthday, I felt a lot of sadness. I didn’t understand where it was coming from or why I was even feeling that way, but then, it dawned on me.
I was coming to the end of a book in my life and beginning a new one.
Although I ended several chapters leading up to this moment in time, I didn’t realize that those tiny endings were all apart of the narrative of the first book of my life- the first quarter.
The first quarter of my life is a tremendous amount of life that’s already been lived. I’m proud of that.
Despite all the setbacks and challenges I faced, I made it out with a clear hope for my future.
A new adventure- a new book- awaits.
Whenever I read a good book, I get sad because I don’t want it to end. However, if I don’t finish the book solely because I want to stick with that book, I will never have the pleasure of reading a new one.
About 7 years ago, when I read the book The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, I intentionally never finished it because I didn’t want it to end. I borrowed this book from the library and waited months to return it. There was just something so satisfying in feeling the validation of my pain through the artistry of Sylvia Plath’s writing. When I finally decided to return it, I began reading self-help books because I became aware of my unhealthy behavior and I just couldn’t stay comfortable in my sorrow any longer.
Although I read many self-help books, nothing has influenced me as profoundly as The Bible. No matter what I did to find peace, there was always an emptiness that I just could not fill. But then, God met me in my moment of deepest uncertainty and insecurity.
Through my 24th year, I cried many tears of healing, I laughed though many moments of embarrassment, and danced through many internal storms. I’m not only thankful for this last year of the first quarter of my life, I am thankful for the entire span of the 24 years I have lived. I am proud to say that none of my tears were wasted and that I can, now, rest in the redemptive power of Jesus Christ. When I learned about how loved I was by God, I let go of my need for self-confidence and found my confidence in Christ but by default, I became confident.
Though I’ve reflected on the progress I’ve made, there are many days that I don’t notice it because there was never an “aha” moment for me. Rather, it was just a series of events that built my character and pruned me into who I am today.
Do I know what’s next?
Do I need to know?
Do I want to know?
But what’s the fun in that?
Second Quarter, let’s go.